warning: this story could get emotional
Something i feel im ready to share
I dont think i fully got into drawing until around middle school (probably around 2004). From there on I was pretty much self taught until i moved to San Francisco for school. I was always the quiet girl in middle school and was super nervous when talking to others so anyone who knew me just saw me as the weird kid who draws in class. I have always loved doodling small comics during my classes and started off copying images from gaming instruction booklets or gaming magazines and of course i started off drawing Sonic related art because he was easy to draw.
This was around this time where my grandmother was really sick and she stayed at our house. I was super close to my grandma as i practically grew up with her as my parents worked. Halloween was a huge thing for us. When i was a kid we would dress up together every day of Oct. eating snacks and watching Tim Burton movies. While she was sick she used my room while i slept in the front room. I would always stay and draw in the room to keep her company. I would draw things that would make her smile even though she was in great pain.
One day during class i found out that my grandma was taken to the emergency room. We didn't know she had cancer for a 2nd time and it spread too far across her body that it was too late to fix. My world basically shattered after that. Before she passed away she told me 'I dont want you to remember me like this, I want you to remember all the good times we had and keep those happy memories'. I lost my grandma that night. I was in deep depression after that. She was a big part of my life and now that happiness was gone. I couldn’t even draw again. I began to hate everything. I would even ignore family and play video games all day because it was a way to get lost in another world. There were times i would even question myself weather or not if it was my fault which of course it wasn't but my mind back then wasn't thinking straight. There were even times i was just in a dark place where i was so depressed I ended up thinking suicidal thoughts every day, and when i mean dark i mean staring at knives thinking what would happen if i stuck one through me. I just wanted the pain to go away. Twice, i have gotten close but ended up getting scared at the end.
Today i tell you now if it wasn't for a Sonic game i probably wouldn't be here typing this right now.
Some of you know that Sonic Adv 2 is my favorite game ever and know that Shadow is my favorite character, and this is why.
Shadow had a sad backstory, losing his close friend (basically sister) Maria who sacrifices herself to save him and got shot in the process. Shadow ends up hating mankind for what happened and occasionally blames himself for not being able to save her. Towards the end of the game and with the help of Amy he remembers Maria saying the reason why she saves him is because she wanted him to live on and give others on earth 'a chance to be happy' thus he ends up saving the world sacrificing himself as a way of keeping his promise to her by saving others.
I had finished the game those couple of weeks of depression and ended up crying at the end, no not because that Shadow (supposedly) died at the end (like my family and friends would tease me about) but the fact that i had related so much to him that it made me rethink about what i have been doing to myself lately. I wasn’t very good at letting out my feelings to anyone, even family. Drawing them out always made me feel better and I know for certain my grandmother would have wanted the best for me and to be happy. And its not just Shadow, Sonic plays a big role as well. I always go by his quote "nothing starts till you take action" from Sonic 2006. If you have always wondered why im biggest Sonic nerd...thats why lol.
I feel drawing plays a big part in my life. I'm still working out plans for my original GN comic. It'll play out scenes that will relate to some real life stories of mine along with mixing it with a holiday my grandmother and I both love, and of course some fun stuff along the way. I also draw to make others happy, weather its for a birthday or just for fun, i like making friends and family smile and laugh through what i do. I know its what my grandma would have wanted of me. I draw for her and I draw for myself, and I will continue and hope everyday as I share my work, they will make someone happy.
geeeez thats alot to get out lol
Listening to: Sonic ST's to keep me sane
Watching: YouTube gamers
Drinking: Dr. Pepper